what a deal.

i found this in my local paper today.



here are some things i think they should offer for a second armpit,

- maybe a little trim
- wash and set
- 80s style asymmetrical one sleeved shirt
- a comb
- glitter gel

it's because i put up my christmas tree last night.

at 9:30 this morning there was no snow on my lawn.
this photo was taken at about 2:30 in the afternoon.

things i found notable in the 90s #2

the recently excavated journal has revealed more secrets about 90s me,
in the 90s i only made note of the most promising prospects of men. okay, some were roommates so they didn't count, but by surrounding myself with such eligible, scholarly, man-boys, definitely that would attract more of the same. oh i would bag myself a gooder! but, alas, it was not to be.
among my other regrets, i remember ol' metal man in the corner at the 24hr breakfast restaurant, so gravelly faced, so 3 a.m., so refined. *sigh* why didn't i make a move? i'm pretty sure i'd be on world tour right now. i'm also pretty sure he was there with axl rose, how could he not be successful in life?
fortunately my life took a different turn and i opted for a man surely not as glamorous or 3 a.m., but he's a gooder.

quote of the day

"elementary school is kind of like living in a cartoon, because,well,.....some kids wear the same shirt for a really long time"

my son,

who aside from his aspirations
of becoming a "before"model,
is obviously a very deep
thinker.

the week of the rebelling face.

a week ago i was happily, briskly walking along to get my son from school, my right jacket pocket brimming over with loose wonka runt candies, all was good with the world! until,that is, i threw a handful of runts in my mouth and started crushing them with my teeth, which if i do say so myself, have always been quite skilled candy crushers. one stubborn little rat bastard strawberry runt resisted the crush! not willing to lose the battle i gave it my all,
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!"
yup, broken tooth.

luckily my dentist was able to fix it with just a filling, unluckily she had to freeze it a million times. the after effect of this was all the freezing pooling at my jaw and creating a dudley do right, kurt russel-y kind of thing.

*sigh* a couple of days later i woke up with the angriest, ugliest sty in the history of the world. the swelling in my jaw and the swelling in my eye didn't quite meet, so in a frantic effort to unite the two i grew a big ol' zit.

the lovely thing about this is that now that the swelling is nearly gone and my eye is almost healed, i feel like a fricken' super model!

who's the shit?

Surly’s the shit!!!

because, in case you didn’t know, surly makes magic ceramic pendants,

“La la la, here I am being average, blending in and not addressing my rock star, super hero tendencies “

*throws on magic surly necklace*

KAPOW! super, holy moly rock and rolly, hot chick, super hero , ready to go fight crime in the big city!

“OUTTA MY WAY BITCHES!”

I mean, really, what more do you need to know than that?

if you need to know more here’s a couple more surly links for your surly enjoyment,

surly.etsy.com

surlyramics.com

SurlyArt.etsy.com

five fluffy questions for surly amy


1) if you could have one tool/object implanted inspector gadget style, what would it be?
(*giggles at the possibilities*)

I would have a telescope eye implant, so I could spy on far away planets and the strange people in my neighborhood. I live in Hollywood and trust me the people here are MUCH more interesting from a distance.



2) first thing you do when you get up in the morning?
(excluding the morning pee)

The VERY first thing I do is try to fondle Surly Johnny (if I can catch him...he's pretty fast.) then I grab a big ol cup of delicious coffee...(as with most creative types I am a caffeine junky.)


3) favorite visible injury story?
(real or fake,i always like to work ninjas into my injury stories)

Well, I have a scar near my left eye from when I got hit in the face and almost blinded with a surfboard while drinking a beer in a swimming pool... Damn Ninjas and their pool parties.


4) if you could plant a candy tree in your yard, what would it grow?

I would grow bite size snicker bars...AND at least 20 flavors of rainbow jelly bellies....awww wouldn't that be beautiful AND delicious!!!


5) if you had a chance to see any band/act that you will never be able to see, who would it be?

Oh man, my only musical regret is that I didn't get to see The Clash play live. I saw Joe Strummer play solo once and it was great but The Clash would have been so awesome.. and can I also say that I have a big crush on the late great Frank Sinatra. Seeing Sinatra in his prime would have been really cool as well. I guess what Im saying is I really dig a man in a suit...Im gonna go try and catch Surly Johnny. ;)

things i found notable in the 90's #1

i swear one day i am going to blog about something deep and profound, but that's not going to happen today.


the other day i found and old sketchbook/journal from the 90s, as i flipped through it one question kept popping into my head,

how did i come out of the 90s not weighing 400 lbs?

cans of pop used to scream at me a lot. i don't really recall this happening, but i documented it countless times, so it must have happened. i can only assume these desperate beverages were consumed by me to put and end to their relentless wailing. there was also numerous mentions of slurpees and iced tea, these refreshments were not nearly as vocal.

that's just the liquids, i also found clues as to what 1990s me might have eaten.

apparently, though my memory is foggy, we had no access to vegetables, fruit or fresh food of any kind. with the exception of taters, which we consumed both in the form of flakes and gems. it sounds pretty futuristic for the 90s i know, but it's true, we ate gems!




we also, according to my journal,
used to watch television on the microwave.